Friday, October 9, 2015

A year ago yesterday...

A year ago yesterday, I watched my son climb aboard a bus for Navy boot camp. It was, without a doubt on my part, the hardest thing I've ever done. Not kidding. Not exaggerating for effect. The thought of it can still bring tears to my eyes.

I spent the better part of last winter depressed and out of sorts, in a haze, writing letters to Sonshine, who himself was undergoing tremendous change, trying to keep us both going.

It's been a year and I still miss him like crazy.

I've wondered when it should be time to get over it, but I still get teary eyed when I see old men with Grizzly Adams beards, and my dad died almost six years ago and I hardly ever saw him. I know my son "growing up" is not the same as a death, but we were close and he was a huge part of my every single day. Is it really so surprising that I still have a hole in my heart and life his shape? It's getting smaller to be sure, but I've heard (several times of late--is the universe trying to tell me something?) that grief is as individual as the person suffering through it. It is what is it and it lasts as long as it lasts.

Sonshine playing Xbox hockey in out hotel when we visited Seattle a month ago.

But each day I look forward to what the day has to offer and enjoy the journey.

No comments: